the tub

the day was grey, it was snowing i wasn’t feeling my best and i didn’t know why

i took off my clothes, rolled out my mat and sat on my feet

i brought my thoughts back to a couple minutes before

“in the bathroom. looking at a body in the glass”

naked, gazing at my tattoos, kissing my own shoulders, saying three words, “…”

finding meaning.

i wanted it. from him.

from myself, from a body.

i wanted to come.

 

i brought my attention to my breath

i heard footsteps and the turn of a knob

“i’m inspired to get into the bath”

i get up and make my way

the water running on very hot, i close the door behind me

the mirror fogs up, i can see my outline

the tub is occupied

i climb in anyway, trusting that the water will create space for me

i find a spot that doesn’t satisfy

i’m overcome with jealousy

i’m in the water but not fully submerged

i’d like to swim in here

too.

i play along, get into the flow

i surrender and go.